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(Source: j0nathansanchez)

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(Source: canadianpennies)

As he feels like he is losing me, I feel like I am losing him.

You - “When you going to bed?”

I take that as a yes.

This may be the least stress free summer I will endure. My mom stressed me out over Christmas break when I wanted to go see Phillip saying that “I don’t think that’s a good idea” and yelling in my face at one point saying “If he makes you so happy, go! But he better not get on that front porch or ring that doorbell.” Every time I want to see Phillip, there is an argument going on in my house. Whether it is before I leave or when I come back with a silent treatment. Either way, I feel like I am a horrible daughter and I hate that feeling. I have cried at Phillip’s once or twice because of the situation and I don’t even have that great of a relationship with my dad anymore. That’s probably what kills me the most. I would much rather live with Kiana or Phillip than be home all summer long….and I am absolutely dreading being home all summer because I don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t support me in something. I also don’t want to be yelled at by her about my grades, which I know aren’t good, but I am trying. No one actually realizes that though. Not even her. I just don’t want to go home and face her at all. Yet, I have no choice…
And like I said on my twitter, she is making me choose between my other family, Phillip or her. And I will ALWAYS choose my other family and Phillip. Because that actually fully support me in whatever I want to do. 

But the fact that you are wanting me to leave my plans with my Aunt&Uncle&Cousin and spend the weekend with you is beyond not ok. I realize that you miss me but I don’t think you realize that thinking about going home with you there makes me 1039637299204852810347573992047 times more stressed than I need to be. And now you may or may not be there next weekend and I may or may not be coming home then and I don’t want to because I know i’ll be in stress Hell but if I do, I will see my dad, brother, and boyfriend. The choices aren’t in your favor. And maybe if you had a little bit more of an open mind about things, then maybe I would not be nearly as stressed. But you are close minded and think that making my texts limited to 700 and my data limited to 2 GB and blocking Phillip is helping me…it’s not! It gives me that much more of an excuse to go find other ways to do things. Aka facebook people. So you know, I am on facebook 24/7. I also have a textfree service. Bet you didn’t know that. That’s the only way I am able to talk to my boyfriend nowadays. And I pretty much lie all the time about where I am going. I might actually be hanging out with Kiana, but I am also at Phillip’s or Phillip is coming over to Kiana’s. Things could be easier to where Phillip could actually pick me up at my house and I wouldn’t have to sneak everywhere. But you leave me absolutely no choice. And my Aunt&Uncle&Cousin understand it all because they are the only family I got down here that respect what I have to say and aren’t going to go running to you to tell you about it. Put me and all of them in the dog house, Idc. But I am sick of feeling stressed all of the time because of grades and you. I shouldn’t be nearly this stressed. And I just cry to sleep so many nights that I can’t even keep count. So please. Get an open mind. Get off your high horse of thinking you are better than everyone. And think about me and how you are losing me as a daughter. Because one day, I don’t think you will get any communication from me if you continue down this path.

Now that I have said that. Hopefully I can get some sleep. Night.

If I am going to be truly happy, I better start losing weight. This insecurity shit with my body needs to stop now!